Friday, June 23, 2006

Next Chapter

I have finally finished all my assignments and all my exams for this semester. That means I only have one more semester to go before I graduate. My exams were not easy but I am really hoping to pass and get them out of the way. God willingly, everything will be okay.

I did something totally out of character today. See in primary school, some of my "classmates" used to call me Blackie. I don't know why. Of course, I am dark and being called Blackie did hurt a lot. Until now, I am very sensitive about my skin colour. Like when my friends joke about dark people or how they cannot see them in the dark and stuff like that, I get slightly offended. Like I do "feel" it.

My primary school mates are still very much in touch. They've had many reunions over the years and I have been invited for a few of them, but I always decline. Why? Because I still carry it with me I think - emotional baggage perhaps - the fact that a few of them used to insult me because of my skin colour.

It's childish, I know. But sometimes it still hurts when you sit and think about how terrible you used to feel - being an outcast and all.

Lately I have been talking to one of the girls who is still on my ICQ list (yes I still use ICQ) and she was telling me how we should meet up. So I agreed. And today she was asking if I wanted to meet up with the rest of them too. I declined at first, but then while we were talking, I realised that maybe I should. You know, just get over it. Move on, to the next chapter of my life. Past is past - right?

Let's see if these people have changed. I shall attend the gathering with no expectations. So, I won't be disappointed for sure. It is the right thing to do. Right? It's been 10 years....I've hidden enough. Time to face it. They never liked me in primary school. Who cares? I have my own friends now anyway. Doesn't matter anymore :)


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