Sunday, January 01, 2006

...of The New Year and The Past Year....What Did You Learn in 2005?

That's what I'd like to know :) Feel free to post comments...not that I really get that many comments *hint* *hint*

Anyway, 2005 sent me one very clear message - get out of your box. Seriously, that's what it told me.

This is hard for me to admit, but I've always lived my life with a very closed mind. I could not accept that people aren't like me, and worse, I had everything planned out. I'll do this, I'll do that, I'll finish, I'll know, that sort of a life. So you can imagine my surprise when things backfired - because all this while, most things went according to plan. When things spiralled out of control, I was lost. I felt like someone dropped me into the sea in the middle of high tide or something. I was so confused. A lot of those negative, unsure, and doubting feelings still exist in me. Off and on my mind retreats to that "confused-I-don't-know-what-to-do" state. It's hard to pull yourself out of it. But I'm managing these days.

In 2005, I learnt that you think you are great - but there are always people better than you. And sometimes, you can actually see other people in situations you were in and you realise the point a lot of people could never say to your face -- "you're annoying"...I realised that I must have been so annoying during first year of college when I always knew all the answers. Gosh, when I feel like punching people in my class nowadays, those smarties who sit in the front row, I realise that that must be how people felt towards me at class, those days. I realise that now, and I can understand the frustration they felt.

In 2005, I learnt that I am actually a very conventional person - I just put up this facade that I'm "WEIRD" because I don't want to be one of many. I want many things just the way most people do. There, I'm admitting that. Feels like I just swallowed a brick - but there, I've admitted it :)

In 2005, I realised that I did care way more for my grandmother than I cared to admit to myself. That's one problem I have, I don't know how to show people that I care about them. I care a lot about people, I really do, but it doesn't come out. It's stuck inside. LOL.

In 2005, I realised that maybe I'm not that ugly. LOL.

In 2005, I realised that I do have a lot of friends, I just never looked around enough to see them.

In 2005, I realised that I actually like myself. Really, I do. I like how I take long walks for the fun of it. I like my craving for chocolate cake and ice-cream. I like saying irritating things to people and running away. Hehehe, I do it a lot at IH. You know, just make a snide remark and walk off. Hehehe. It's funny!

In 2005, I agreed with my friend Kim - I am a shoppaholic to a certain extent.

In 2005, I got to visit Australia - Brisbane and Melbourne. I'm still a Melbourne fan ;) I have a thing for cities. Hehehe. I really am a city girl – instead of admiring nature, I’m looking for buildings. My uncle in Melbourne laughed at me most of the time.
In 2005, I realised that sometimes you have to accept people at face value. If you sit and analyze how they are different and all, it’ll get to you – the fact that some people choose to live their lives in such weird, illogical manner – at least to me.

In 2005, I learnt that hanging on to the past only hinders the future. Yes, we were all great at one point of our lives, that doesn't mean we won't be great again. Who knows where we'll be tomorrow? Today I'm up; tomorrow I'm down - success and failure occurs randomly, not permanently. Wouldn't you agree?

In 2005, I realised that I am quite capable – I just never gave myself much of a chance to do things on my own.

In 2005, I realised that I am what I am; but it does not change who I want to be – I can always keep trying.


At 1/01/2006 07:12:00 AM , Blogger Kimberlycun said...

not such a bad year, innit? :)

At 1/02/2006 07:09:00 AM , Anonymous sher said...

Hmm, I can't really say what I learned, it's a constant work in progress. Or maybe it's just an excuse on my part cos I'm too lazy to think of what I learned :) lol.
But I'm glad that you've realised not to be so harsh on yourself. You really shouldn't cos you'll end up making yourself miserable.


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