Pondering..

According to William Hazlitt, "The art of life is to know how to enjoy a little and to endure very much."

Oh my goodness. That is so true! It's like he hit the jackpot. Amidst all my assignments, thesis, readings and all that, I have been re-thinking my life. It always happens as my birthday comes closer. I start to re-think and re-evaluate a lot of my decisions in life. I admit that I sometimes study too much. To a certain extent, I have some regrets - I mean, I do regret putting too much effort into certain things. Like you know that article I was working last week? A magazine-type article for one of my Embedded systems design project? Well, I scored full marks - 25/25. But I wrote too much. I mean, I could have accomplished the same marks without writing 9 pages. So sometiems I kind of "over-do" things. It's not because I am terrified or anything, but maybe I have too much passion for engineering.

I'm a perfectionist. I like to hand in my best efforts...not some lukewarm, "I-think-it-meets-the-criteria" product, you know? Most people don't get it. I got into another not-so-nice conversation with some "friends". They keep saying things like "you don't talk to us anymore" or "you didn't say hi the other day" or "oh, I'm doing medicine, if I have the time to attend college functions, then you should too!"

That's not fair. People manage their time differently. It's so judgemental to say that. I have to do what I have to do. I am so sick and tired of trying to explain to people that whole point. I know, we don't have to bother about what people think. But sometimes you just wish, people got the point. That I do not manage my life the way most people do. I've lived this way all my life - doing what is Necessary, not what I want. Of course I want to be an engineer, but it is necessary for me, in my situation, with my type of thinking, to study that much. Why can't people just understand? For once? Why is the fault always within me? Why is it that they always blame me? "You study too much", "You work too hard", "You're not enjoying your life enough". Yes, I know that. Really, I do. But my form of enjoyment is buying an iced mocha (which comes with a scoop of ice-cream) and a ham, cheese and tomato croissant after a long day of work or a good grade in an assignment. I'm a different person. I really wish people would get that sometimes.

It's so disheartening. I'm not whining, really. I've accepted it to a certain extent. But I just so hate being misunderstood. I hate it. I have to say, although some people I know do not approve of the fact that I have moved rooms (which means I technically do not have to bump into a lot of people I don't want to see), I have a lot more peace of mind. I think it was a good decision. I don't wallow in these thoughts anymore. I do think of them, but because I don't see the people who are "causing" them...it doesn't effect me much. I can still pick up my thoughts where I left off and keep working.

Hey, I'm doing great in class these days. So you can't really fault me for working too hard. Besides, I have so much fun grocery shopping and cooking that I don't really "miss" all these people anymore. I've moved on ;) Hah. Can't say I am not too happy with my life. It's quite good actually. Now if I can only make a good decision about where I want to work....