Urgh, Project.

I have so much difficulty trying to select a project for my final year. I mean, seriously, they have already selected people for their project yet they state it as available and when I apply, they say they've found someone. This is so irritating. Then why should I bother applying? I applied about two months ago. Urgh. I hate uni and its absurd procedures sometimes.

I...uh.....erm....went shopping again. Hehehehe, okay okay, I'm not denying that I am a shoppaholic to a certain extent, but really, I'm home for the holidays and trying to refurbish my wardrobe. I want to dress differently - bright, vibrant coloured t-shirts for Summer @ Australia (David will say, "It's not Summer when you come back! You missed Summer. Summer was like 40 degrees!), a pair of jeans in a different shade of blue (deep, dark blue), erm...a blue bracelet ;) Hmm..what else...oh, I picked up a sieve..lol, because I plan to make tea from scratch (using tea leaves) now that I have my own kitchen. Not really my own kitchen but I share it with three other people (don't really know who yet).

I'm in a good mood - always am when I've spent money. Hehehe. I picked up a calculator - the particular model an IH friend was looking for. It seems the Casio fx-570MS is not sold in Aust, so he was telling me how most Asians had it and I realised that it was the model I was using as well so I thought I'd get him one because he's been so helpful throughout last semester. It's a thank you gift :) Yeah..I CAN be nice...sometimes ;)

Interesting Thought...

...And so the World is, thus you must never live for the World, for the world lives not for you. Nor have the dreams of the World upon you, for, to live the dream of another is to murder that of your own.

Qoute Shankar K. Eham, Of An Author & Of His Work

Sick.

I've been sick for the past four days. On Tuesday, I took half-day leave and came home partly because of my supervisor's bad breath - Gosh, it was just plain disgusting, and also partly because I was feeling really sick. Then, on Wednesday, I went to work as usual but I was feeling really, really crappy - kept sneezing so hard it hurt. My shoulders were like so stiff for no reason and I could barely carry my laptop backpack. So, on Thursday, I couldn't breathe properly thanks to the blocked nose. I spoke to Mom and she said it's possible the doctor will grant me medical leave. So I saw the Doctor (I'm 21, almost 22, Dad's employer no longer covers my medical bills. Crap. I haven't paid a doctor's fee in years. Ah, what the heck, it was only 30 bucks and Mom paid it..but still!!!) and I got four types of medication and one day off with these lines "If you don't feel well tomorrow, give me a call and I'll give you another day off."...well something along those lines.

I used the chance today. Woke up with my throat on fire. Oh my goodness, I think I'm being punished for all those mischevious things I've done over the years. Seriously guys, get your head out of the gutter. By mischevious I mean white lies - telling Mom I spent 10 ringgit on the ice blended coffee when it was actually 12 ringgit. The number 10 doesn't sound as bad as 12 you know... So yeah, that sort of mischeviousness.

Ah, did I mention I went shopping yesterday? See I rarely get sick but when I do, my ego gets bruised. So to inflate it back again, shopping is the best therapy. Of course, chocolate, ice-cream and all that will help too, but ice-cream isn't very good for a person who has trouble breathing without Vicks Vaporub rubbed all over her nose. So I opted for shopping. Finally picked up that pair of Levi's..ahh..at a steal of a price. It's not that cheap, but considering the price of a Levi's at Aust and the price of a Levi's currently, that was still cheap. Okay, maybe reasonably cheap.

Then, I picked up a funky long-sleeved t-shirt. I really like long-sleeved tees, they're so cool. I also bought a pink hair clip - yeahh, getting in touch with my feminine side. Hmm, two pairs of shorts to wear at home, in Aust. Erm, what else...oh eyedrops for my new pair of contact lenses (haven't tried them on yet, eyes are watery thanks to the flu).

I spent my whole day today away from the laptop. It's so nice to not have to sit in front of this thing for a day. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love this piece of metal to bits but it gets frustrating when you do the same thing in Aust, then you do it here as well.

I watched Bluffmaster today. It's a really good movie. I mean you expect the typical con-man-trying-to-reform-stereotype-story but this one is quite refreshing. I didn't really expect the ending. Most Hindi movies have English subtitles these days so if you get your hands on a copy of Bluffmaster, please watch it :)

Apart from that, I've been watching Australian Open. Boy, can Roger Federer play tennis or what! I mean seriously, his expression barely changes.

Hmm, anyway, I'm going to take my medicine - the antibiotic, flu stuff, and the knockout cough mixture. In less than 45 minutes, I'll be out :) LOL.

You guys take care and to those of you who live in Malaysia, Happy Chinese New Year and enjoy your long weekend. I, for one, am definitely going to.

Urge To Do Everything

Okay, no pun intended, but I have this urge to do everything. I want to:

* learn tennis
* to read this whole zip file full of business readings books
* to read about DVRs and IPCameras
* to read about Embedded Systems
  (textbook is staring at me but I have to finish this 
  irritating report for my internship)
* to take subjects related to the job market
  (next semester, July, I have two free electives) so 
  I'll be one step closer to a job
* to watch loads of movies before I go back
* to actually meet up with a whole list of peple whom I 
  haven't met yet now that I'm home (oh no, 
  exactly one month left..before I leave!)
* to eat Japanese food till I'm so full I can't walk
* eat halwa..haven't eaten halwa (Indian sweet) 
  in more than a year
* to finish this internship report, start gathering all
  the data I can for my report to my university
  (it's due 2 weeks after semester starts)
* to clean my room and empty out two-year-old study notes
* to clean my cupboard and get rid of old clothes so
  Mom will realise that I don't really have much, 
  just old stuff ;)
* buy everything I have to buy before I leave for Aust
* call a few people before I leave for Aust
* read a few magazines on engineering because I don't 
  read any

... sigh, and you wonder why I'm crazy :) 

I Lied

A friend whom I met in Aust and lives in a country nearby was down in KL but she didn't even make an effort to meet up with me. She mentioned that she will, repeatedly, and replied to my SMS (I didn't even know she was here, I just smsed a Hi, and I got a reply, saying she's here)...but now she's online and she said she's home and she blamed her mobile phone for dying out on her and all that. Gee, which year was it that they told you to not forget your mobile phone charger when travelling..? Or was it just all the time?

I lied because I told her I'm not pissed - but I am. I'm disappointed that someone can't even make such an effort as to meet up with me. I would have got my Mom to drive us to a mall or something you know. *Sigh* Friends can be mean.

My friend Dibba gave me this link. I like it...makes sense. I'm not too well, got the flu AGAIN. Took half day at work because I felt crappy and I might have killed that supervisor..LOL.

Your Personality Profile

You are dependable, popular, and observant.Deep and thoughtful, you are prone to moodiness.In fact, your emotions tend to influence everything you do. You are unique, creative, and expressive.You don't mind waving your freak flag every once and a while.And lucky for you, most people find your weird ways charming!

The World's Shortest Personality Test

How annoying. I hate my supervisor. He's a nut case. I don't want to go on and on about it. Let's just leave it at that. Boy am I glad my internship is finishing.

Tennis or Not?

I can't decide if I should enrol for tennis next semester or not...

I'd love to actually, but there's the thing about carrying a racquet from Malaysia...there's the additional expenses...lol...I always have a tough time deciding on things...

Should I? Final year at Uni...should I just focus 100% on studying instead?

Re-bonding

Nah, I'm not talking about the hair-straightening technique..I just re-bonded with some old friends. I'm so proud of myself for re-establishing contact with these two people because although I actually like meeting up with old friends, I usually put it off. Sometimes I can't help it because I really am busy, but sometimes I just think that I'll do it tomorrow...then from then tomorrow becomes next week, and next week becomes next month... and so on.

Anyway, once I'm done with my internship, I'm going to meet these two friends for a movie at an iMax theatre. I haven't been to an iMax theatre before :)

Apart from that, things are fine. I'm just going through my list of things to do before I leave...

Whoa, Cool Apple!

I got that image from the official Apple website. I think that laptop is gorgeous. I'd love to own an Apple computer for the fun of it - it doesn't work well in my PC-oriented programming unless I mess around with Unix (that's what I was told years ago).

Anyway, I haven't put in much pictures lately because I've been blogging from work (just normal .txt files and then pasting the content on here before clicking Publish..).

I had another meeting with another supplier today - man this guy is sooo intelligent; he knows exactly what he's talking about. He even spoke averagely good English. If I had the money, I'd have just bought his CCTV thingie for the sake of it. LOL. That's how convincing he was - an electrical engineer working in selling electrical products. Sounds good huh.

I have to write something about today's conversation with the supplier to help my supervising engineer understand what happened. He's so not tech-savvy. He doesn't even bother to read up. Urgh, I like my Dad so much when it comes to things like these - my Dad learnt how to use computers on his own. He never went for training whatsoever. I guess I expect a lot from people because to a certain extent, my family does set high standards. Can't help it though, I mean, this guy is an engineer. Shouldn't engineers be people who are always willing to learn new things?

I know I am. Especially lately, I have this thirst for knowledge and I'm so eager to read stuff these days. Maybe my internship drives me to strive harder to achieve what I want. I'm gonna read more about technology from now on :) I want to know about new things. I just printed out details about Intel's Core Duo processor - let's see how it works ;)

Woohooo, I met up with suppliers today. It was kind of fun, the first time I'm actually doing something like that. Okay, the two guys who came were kinda boring and blur...lol...but it wasn't that bad. They didn't know much about the program we are considering using for one of our projects. I am attending a formal meeting this Friday. Yay! I gotta dress well, today I was kind of sloppy - red collared tee shirt, black slacks, white billabong semi-casual sneakers. Friday, I'll wear a formal shirt, slacks and boots ;)

Davey mentioned that I didn't talk about Grey's Anatomy in my blog. Okay, I watched the new episode - it was kind of interesting but it feels like they really are dragging it. That's getting frustrating. Ghsot Whisperer is getting more and more interesting...the Ghosts are getting more intense and less friendly. Smallville is sad, really. It's losing its momentum. If it weren't for Tom Welling, I'd have stopped watching it already. Desperate Housewives is alright - watchable. House is sooo interesting.

I have a craving for food - teh tarik, japanese food, roti john from Steven's corner (it rocks!), seafood at some simple place (I don't want a flashy place because you can't use your fingers and eat normally + messily), naan bread with tandoori chicken, pasta (probably at chili's)... *Drool*

I had two roti telur and spicy fish curry for dinner last night. It was really good. Funny we take such simple food for granted sometimes. I really felt the lack of Malaysian food when I was at Aust.

I have like 8 days left (excluding public holidays and weekends) to finish my internship. Then, I'm gonna meet up with all my friends, attend my grandmother's prayers then leave back for Aust. Of course, in between I have to try out contact lenses, purchase a few sets, get a pair of shades, see my dentist, buy a new luggage (I killed mine when I was in Melbourne, it can't stand well now.), buy a few more tops, buy my textbooks, ship all my books using FedEx, and that's it I hope.

The list just grows and grows when you sit and consider everything you haven't done yet. I still have a lot of reading up to do before next semester starts. I'm kind of worried actually but I'm hoping to manage my time better this semester.

I bought a lime green and egg yellow cute looking bedsheet for my room in Aust. It's just a simple single bedsheet. The irritating part about buying single bedsheet is that none of our rooms at home have single beds so I have to get rid of the sheets/comforter before I come back. I can't use it at home.

I'm extremely bored at work...I keep yawning and dozing off. It's a bit embarassing..LOL, but I just can't help it. Hmm, I think people were not very accurate when they said "An idle mind is the devil's workshop"...it's more like "An idle mind just feels really sleepy".

I'm a bit heavy hearted to go back to Aust. Yeah, it's exciting and all, but I'm worried about studies. It's funny how the human mind forgets though. I seem to have "healed" since my first semester in Aust. Earlier when I spoke about stuff like how tough Uni is and all, it used to be painful - like group work and all. Now I feel kind of okay about it - maybe I'm learning to accept things and move on...

...Spilling The Beans

Well, no. I didn't cause someone to get punished or something but see my report for my supervisor is hitting a major dead end thanks to his lack of "information" and the fact that he's just never around. Oh, and don't forget the major miscommunication..

Ah, before I go on, please don't think that I'm like 100% pissed and ready to strangle someone or anything. I'm not. I just like talking about stuff. I can't say I'm complaining...just stating the obvious perhaps?

Okay, back to the story. I didn't really spill any beans but I bumped into "The Boss" in the elevator. Suffice to say, he's my surpervisor's boss and he asked how my stuff was going on and I explained - the truth...that it is actually related to my degree (yeah, yeah, I know, I whinged about that for quite awhile but there was actually jobs online which had my degree in relation to systems I'm studying now...) and I told him about the miscommunication. Guess what? He dropped another bomb on my head - he claims that it's irrigation, flood mitigation and flood plains management. I'm wondering if I should tell this to my supervisor or not. I think I won't. I think I need to start being a little smart and not living by the book. What do you think? Do I tell him, "I spoke to your boss and he said you are wrong?"

Hmm...no matter how I word it, that's how it's going to sound right?

I picked up a denim skirt yesterday. I really like it ;) Looks like I'm geared up for summer (or what's left of it) when I reach Aust ;)

Bouncing Around

I write a lot of offline blog posts using Word at work...then I come home and re-read them and think "Nah, I'm not putting this up."

It's weird. LOL. I'm weird. I change my mind easily.

Not much has happened in the past few days...

This is what I wrote at work today:

Extremely Frustrated

I know, I’m whinging again. *Sigh* I hate doing this but sometimes I really don’t have a choice. My supervisor doesn’t like what I wrote. He claims it’s not what he wants.

The problem is there is so much miscommunication between the three parties involved in this project and I’m stuck in between. I’m trying my level best but it is not helping.

I can’t believe my supervisor was complaining about the diagram yesterday, when he knew 100% (at least I hope he knows) that it’s a diagram given by the person we were contacting and it’s not like I can even draw something like that (I know nuts about AutoCAD). Urgh. I just feel so annoyed…being stuck in between all this. Why can’t these old men just make up their minds? It’s not that hard to sit down and discuss everything and of course, DECIDE on what they want, right?

Looks like I might have to work till after 31st January to actually finish my report.

The translation is terrible. I’m having a lot of trouble working on it because it’s taking too much time. My relative is not really bugging me about it, but this time it’s Mom who’s annoyed that I haven’t finished the work. I can’t help it though, it’s not easy. It’s quite hard actually, considering its not just the words but the diagrams too that require translation. Some kind of holiday 

I still haven’t met up with most of my friends. It is really getting frustrating – having so much to do. Not to mention I’m leaving earlier than planned, so it means I have even less time.

Oh my goodness, I don’t know what it is with some men and turquoise green pants. EWWWWW. It’s disgusting and I don’t know why quite a number of guys wear them. It looks horrible. A pair of black pants or khakis would look so much nicer. Oh and pleated, silky pants doesn’t look that nice anymore.

I’ve been watching some movies lately – mostly Tamil because I don’t really get them at Australia. I have to start putting away stuff for packing soon, probably end of January. I don’t want to be rushing and all. The sale ends on 31st Jan, and by then I have to pick up a pair of jeans, denim skirt, a few more tops, some toiletries and another three textbooks. Otherwise I have everything I need.

Oh yeah, I need a cover for my cellphone and a new casing for my iPod. The old one is kind of discoloured. Ah, I’m dreaming of a brown jacket. The light type you can wear for Australian winters, but as usual, the ones I’ve seen so far are ridiculously priced.

I think I need to lose another 3 – 4 kgs to be happy with how I look. I was talking to M last night, on MSN. She was telling me how we should meet up for coffee when I’m back (M is my former jogging partner) and I told her “Yeah, non-fat coffee, no whipped cream and no cake. Just coffee.” Yep, you won’t be seeing photographs of chocolate cake on my blog for a long, long time.

// NG said he likes seeing my "photos-of-things-I-ate-or-thought-about-eating blogs".

Uh-oh, my relative just called me twice on my cell phone and I didn’t answer because I left my phone in my bag. People rarely call me, so I barely keep track of it. Hehehe, I dread calls from this relative because I’m doing his translation work. He only gives me bad news – some file is missing, some diagrams aren’t in, someone messed up so I have to clean it up. No, thanks.

ARGH!!!

My supervising engineer claims my report is not what he wants - of course :) We all know why. Also, I don't get enough information as to what they require. I'm so irritated I can't even put my words to my thoughts...

It's 2pm now. I still haven't got into any final year research projects. I've applied, but there's no reply yet. I'm going back earlier to Australia because my grandmother's prayers has been brought forward from 4 March to 19 February. That means I get to go back before university officially starts. In a way, I am glad because I will now be cooking instead of eating IH food, so I'll need some time to go grocery shopping *grin* and to settle down in my new room ;) But going back early means I can't work for that extra month (Feb-March). I wanted to work as a typist or a clerk for a month and earn some money to pay for part of my flight ticket. Looks like I can't do that now.

I still have a lot of the report to write for my supervising engineer. I can't say its tough stufff or anything but I think I'm putting it off partly because I'm not motivated/interested. I feel like my brain is rotting away...LOL

After I complete that, I have to write the report regarding my entire internship for my university. That's a 2000 word one. Again, I can't say its tough stuff, but I'm just tired of sitting in frotn fo this laptop constantly typing. I admit I love computers but I am very frustrated about having to do the same thing consistently - in Australia, I spent like 12 hour a day sometimes, in front of my computer. I'm doing almost the same thing here, with the report for my supervising engineer and the translation stuff. I came home to spend time with people...if I wanted to spend time with my laptop, I could do it there too.

I'm still looking for a perfect flight schedule. I'm tempted to take Emirates because its RM89 cheaper. That's not much money when you compare flight tickets, but it is a lot of money when you think of what you can buy for 90 ringgit in Malaysia. *grins* Might help contribute to my Levi's jeans fund. Hehehe.

I'm writing this at work, like I usually do, then I go home and publish it. The office is almost empty - with engineers visiting their clients, some of the draughtsmen on leave and so on. It's so dead. Another 3 hours 20 minutes of work left. My supervising engineer is on leave, so I don't have to act busy.

My elder sister is getting married in July so I'll be home for the July holidays as well. I plan to travel light when I come back:) It's a dream come true to have a light suitcase. I can just imagine how heavy my suitcase is going to be now when I go back because I have three pairs of shoes to squeeze in. Hopefully it's not that heavy.

To be honest, although I'm excited about going back and finishing my final year, I'm a bit sad about leaving home. I've gotten too used to it :) Yeah, I have my disagreements with my family and all that, and it can be very distressing but I still like home. Which is why I'm having trouble deciding if I should work at Aust or not. (If I can get a job, that is.) I am quite a homebody. I won't worry about it now, I guess. I'll focus on studying hard and finishing my final year :) Then, we'll talk about jobs.

I have another 14 days or so left of my internship. Phew. It's quite a relief to know I'm finishing it off.

I should go now. Take care you guys and have a wonderful week ahead. I'll write more when something happens.

I haven't been updating because my Internet connection has been very crappy and also because I've had a bit of work to do.

I went shopping today :) Picked up two skirts at a fraction of the price they are usually worth in Australia. Really, its a steal when you compare to how much the shops in Australia are selling these skirts for. It's about AUD50 there, that means RM150 here. I got it for less than RM50. I feel kinda smart right now. LOL :) Ah, nothing like a good bargain.

Yep, me wearing skirts. It's quite a big issue actually, considering the tomboy I used to be. It all begin one fine evening in Sydney, sometime April 2003. LOL. That's when my sense of dressing took a 360 degrees turn. I guess my elder sister will claim some credit for that, but hey, you can't make me wear clothes I don't like ;)

Hmm, I need to find matching tops for my skirts, but that'll be from next month's allowance :) Right now, I gotta focus on finishing my last bit of translation - 8 chapters left. Then PHEW. I'll be free.

I have a friend, whose parents have grounded her 100% (no college, no cellphone, no Internet, no computer, no friends, nothing) because she liked a Muslim guy. It's kinda sad. I miss talking to her. We were pretty close for about 1.5 years. The two of us and another friend were like a gossip factory at college. LOL. It feels really weird when you have this sort of a situation - you can't do anything to meet her because her parents consider her friends a bad influence to her and you just have to let it be...knowing that you have a friend whom you cannot contact. It's frustrating. I don't get it. Why do parents do this to their children? I don't understand why it's so wrong to like a person who is not of your religion. It's just religion...such a small part of our lives. I don't believe that our religion actually defines who we are. I'm not a person who judges people based on their religion.

Although I'm not a romantic person, I can safely say that I don't think love chooses people based on religion. You like someone for who they are. Period. That's it. Right? Or am I just being idealistic and dreamy? I don't know, but all I know is, her parents are being very, very cruel. It feels like I'm watching a Tamil movie or something - things are this bad only in movies. I don't know what to do. I miss talking to her. I miss my friend. We had so many plans about what we'll do when I'm back for the holidays - now I can't even meet her. There are so many more important things in life out there, than religion. I'm not being controversial but I just think that sometimes, as humans, we tend to look at the minute things in life that we overlook the important things that really, really matter.

People complain about not bieng able to have children and all that when there are so many orphan kids out there who could really use a good home. I have heard of people who make it such a big deal about adopting children when in fact, it's nothing big. Imagine the life some established professionals can give a kid but they choose not to do so because they say "oh, we don't know where that child came from, what's its religion and all that", right....but hunger and love knows no religion.

All this war, bombing and all..is it even worth it? The price of a life for the sake of religion. You live today, you die tomorrow. What you do in between is all that matters. If you can make people smile, if you can make a difference, feed a hungry person, clothe a poor person, educate an individual to be a better person, that's all that matters. Who cares what religion you are? What does it matter in the grand scheme of things? I don't get it. I really don't get it. It's just how you perceive God. Why can't people look beyond it and see the individual behind?

Yawn

I'm really bored. After carrying out so much online research and finishing like 50% of what I'm supposed to write for my supervising engineer, he finds out that he actually is working on another aspect of the project - not the one he THOUGHT he was working on. So, guess what? All my research is wasted. I can't use a single line of what I wrote for this "NEW PART". I almost strangled him.

By the way, I haven't really blogged because Streamyx is acting up. *sigh* Malaysian broadband - whenever it rains, it doesn't really work. Makes you wonder if rain is new in Malaysia, that's why Streamyx doesn't know how to handle rain.

I'm trying to locate a company here which sells Atmel STK500 microcontroller programemrs. I'd like to know the price. So I googled and checked Atmel's site. Looks like there is a company nearby. Let's see how much they're going to charge. I have a feeling its going to be expensive. For those of you wondering, the Atmel STK500 is one of those devices that you connect to your computer, put a little cute Atmel microcontroller (which is usually smaller or the same size as a cigarette lighter) into the grooves, turn it on, and you are "burning the microcontroller". That's our "engineer term" for it. Actually you're just programming it - making it remember code that is in hexadecimal format.

Sounds interesting huh ;) Okay, don't yawn. But I'm crazy about things like these...though I'm not good at it. That's part of my problem in life - I'm not good with a lot of things I like. :)

The labs at uni provides Atmel STK200, which is a few years older than the current STK500 model. If I had one of these, I wouldn't have had to beg people to keep the labs open last semester. So, I'm considering investing in one. MIGHT come in handy. Otherwise I'll sell it off after I graduate. Hey, AUD 1 = RM 2.80. Still worth it :)

I didn't find anything nice at Sungai Wang. Was a bit irritated. I picked up a pair of three-quarter jeans at The Curve. It comes with a floral scarf-type belt. But guess what? The jeans is too lose to be worn with that sort of a belt. So I cannot wear the belt with that jeans. I have to wear it with a pair of jeans which is not falling off me. Sometimes it's not that fun - losing weight. Not that I lost weight intentionally, we all know the drama that went on at home until I lost weight.

Oooh, we're in 2006 now. I'm supposed to be the NEW me. Hahaha :)

I'm kinda annoyed with myself for several reasons. I won't whine about it, but let's just say I feel bad too, for not meeting a lot of you whom I promised I'll meet when I'm back. I just have loads to do. I finished translating another book...and I have one last book left. Then no more translation.

I ordered a textbook - that's what happens when irritating bookstores don't stock up on the books you need. In the whole of KL and Selangor, nobody has the book I'm looking for. So, I have to order it from The Island. Urgh, that means I gotta wait three weeks...and the book costs RM200+. There goes enough money to buy a pair of Levi's jeans. *sniffle*

...of The New Year and The Past Year....What Did You Learn in 2005?

That's what I'd like to know :) Feel free to post comments...not that I really get that many comments *hint* *hint*

Anyway, 2005 sent me one very clear message - get out of your box. Seriously, that's what it told me.

This is hard for me to admit, but I've always lived my life with a very closed mind. I could not accept that people aren't like me, and worse, I had everything planned out. I'll do this, I'll do that, I'll finish, I'll work..you know, that sort of a life. So you can imagine my surprise when things backfired - because all this while, most things went according to plan. When things spiralled out of control, I was lost. I felt like someone dropped me into the sea in the middle of high tide or something. I was so confused. A lot of those negative, unsure, and doubting feelings still exist in me. Off and on my mind retreats to that "confused-I-don't-know-what-to-do" state. It's hard to pull yourself out of it. But I'm managing these days.

In 2005, I learnt that you think you are great - but there are always people better than you. And sometimes, you can actually see other people in situations you were in and you realise the point a lot of people could never say to your face -- "you're annoying"...I realised that I must have been so annoying during first year of college when I always knew all the answers. Gosh, when I feel like punching people in my class nowadays, those smarties who sit in the front row, I realise that that must be how people felt towards me at class, those days. I realise that now, and I can understand the frustration they felt.

In 2005, I learnt that I am actually a very conventional person - I just put up this facade that I'm "WEIRD" because I don't want to be one of many. I want many things just the way most people do. There, I'm admitting that. Feels like I just swallowed a brick - but there, I've admitted it :)

In 2005, I realised that I did care way more for my grandmother than I cared to admit to myself. That's one problem I have, I don't know how to show people that I care about them. I care a lot about people, I really do, but it doesn't come out. It's stuck inside. LOL.

In 2005, I realised that maybe I'm not that ugly. LOL.

In 2005, I realised that I do have a lot of friends, I just never looked around enough to see them.

In 2005, I realised that I actually like myself. Really, I do. I like how I take long walks for the fun of it. I like my craving for chocolate cake and ice-cream. I like saying irritating things to people and running away. Hehehe, I do it a lot at IH. You know, just make a snide remark and walk off. Hehehe. It's funny!

In 2005, I agreed with my friend Kim - I am a shoppaholic to a certain extent.

In 2005, I got to visit Australia - Brisbane and Melbourne. I'm still a Melbourne fan ;) I have a thing for cities. Hehehe. I really am a city girl – instead of admiring nature, I’m looking for buildings. My uncle in Melbourne laughed at me most of the time.
In 2005, I realised that sometimes you have to accept people at face value. If you sit and analyze how they are different and all, it’ll get to you – the fact that some people choose to live their lives in such weird, illogical manner – at least to me.

In 2005, I learnt that hanging on to the past only hinders the future. Yes, we were all great at one point of our lives, that doesn't mean we won't be great again. Who knows where we'll be tomorrow? Today I'm up; tomorrow I'm down - success and failure occurs randomly, not permanently. Wouldn't you agree?

In 2005, I realised that I am quite capable – I just never gave myself much of a chance to do things on my own.

In 2005, I realised that I am what I am; but it does not change who I want to be – I can always keep trying.